I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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