So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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