things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
