How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
