so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
