I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
