I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
