Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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