sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
