thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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