I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
