Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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