You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
