Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
