Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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