He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
