Only a mothe r could love this liver
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
