you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
