Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
