Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
