apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
