just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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