The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
