I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
