I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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