all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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