I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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