There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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