She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
