There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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