Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I sprained my soul last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
