I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
