I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
