He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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