I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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