I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
