Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
