I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
