Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
