hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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