Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
