Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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