the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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