so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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