Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
