there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
