Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
