All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
