the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
