...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
