hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
