I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
