Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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