I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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